Spam
by Ersatz Writer
Summary: There were reasons why Starscream wanted to be Supreme Leader of the Decepticons. Mostly, it was for the power and the glory, but there were other, additional bonuses too. For one, he was pretty sure that Megatron did not need to deal with the incessant junk mail from his fellow soldiers...


**A/N:** This is something I dug up during my rummage around some of my older files. It was actually written almost 2 years ago. *cringe* But it amused me and I need some light-heartedness. I might write a bit more and turn it into a mini series, just for the _lulz_.

In any case, have fun. I hope you will smile even a little when reading this!

 **Disclaimer:** **Transformers belongs to Hasbro**

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: All**

For the last, fragging time. I do not care about the trivial problems in your life. If you _really_ , well and truly, feel the urge to _moan_ and _whine_ about the seaweed growing in your chamber, complain to Megatron. Surely our _brilliant_ and _gracious_ Warlord can spare some time to personally sort it out. _I_ , on the other hand, certainly cannot. Especially seeing as I am the one practically who _runs_ the fragging place.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

I don't care how slimey and green it is. Sort it out yourself.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

I am sure that even you can perform the simple action of killing a slagging plant. You don't seem to have a problem with stepping on the disgusting fleshies no matter how slimey they can be once splattered upon the floor.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Thundercracker**

Am I _really_ the only mech you can come to for advice on 'Cruelty to Plants'?!

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Thundercracker**

You are ridiculous. It is just a plant. It barely contains the essential elements for a complete organism.

Don't tell me you have a pile of disgusting organic slop growing in your room too.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Thundercracker**

You want to know what I think? I think you should stop fussing over Skywarp and let the stupid mech develop at his own pace. He has barely learnt how to transform. You can't expect him to understand all your philosophical points of views, _fascinating_ as they may be.

Now please stop bothering me. I don't care who kills the fragging plant.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

KILL IT

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

I DON'T CARE IF IT SMELLS

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

You are armed with at least 12 types of weapons all of which are suitable for destroying a single organism, and having seen you use them with the utmost glee and delight upon the battlefield, I have no doubts in your abilities in utilising these tools, stupid as you may be.

Kill it, or I will kill you.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

Don't be ridiculous. It is a plant. Fire will burn it easily.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

No. No. NO. You do NOT need a flamethrower.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

… You found it WHERE?! No one's supposed to know where that is!

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

Skywarp, I FORBID you! Don't you DARE use that flamethrower!

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

What do you mean, 'why'?! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FRAGGING BE THERE, YOU SLAGGER!

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

Skywarp? Skywarp?!

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

Skywarp. Answer me! I command you!

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Thundercracker**

Where in the _fragging Pits_ is Skywarp?!

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Thundercracker**

He _WHAT_?

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Megatron**

My liege, I offer my sincerest apologies on behalf of my idiotic wing-mate for the trouble he has caused earlier on in the orn. It is an absolute mystery as to where these weapons stashed away in BH1066 could have come from. We are very fortunate that they are now under your expert care…

As for the damage done to the ship, the Constructicons are working on repairs. They have successfully drained away most of the water that had flooded through. Skywarp's quarters have now been relocated… a little further from mine.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Megatron**

… Yes… It was very unfortunate that my quarters were also affected during the flooding. I'm glad you find the situation so _amusing_ , my Liege, seeing as half of my precious data-pads and battle strategies were lost in the process.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Megatron**

Shut up, you sadistic old rust bucket-head. Unlike some, I don't spend half of my time indulging in squishy porn.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Megatron**

Yes, my liege. I'm sorry.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Megatron**

Frag you.

* * *

 **From: Starscream**

 **To: Skywarp**

As soon as I get back from the medbay, I am going to _kill_ you.


End file.
